


The Perfect Housewife

by Lord_Byron_Mudkippington



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, slightly nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 12:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10719498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington/pseuds/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington
Summary: Maki lives like someone who's never had to lift a finger in her life, and Umi's tired of it. So she calls Eli in order to help. Let's see if she has any luck. (Inspired by the SIF chapter where Soldier Game is cooking, and Eli says they'll help Maki become the 'perfect housewife') (Once again, this fic is being posted simultaneously on here and FFN.)





	The Perfect Housewife

"Eli, are you free this weekend?" Umi twirled a strand of hair with her finger, having picked up the habit from Maki. That's what happened when you lived with someone for several months, and that was the reason she was making this call.

"Yeah, I don't have work. What's up?" Eli had a feeling it was something important. It wasn't like Umi to ask about hanging out out of the blue. Usually there was some kind of schedule involved.

"I..." She hesitated, looking up from her seat on the couch towards the front door. Maki wasn't going to be home for another thirty minutes, but she was still worried about getting caught in the act. "I want you to come over and teach Maki how to cook!"

"Eh?" That gave Eli pause. She certainly hadn't expected that. Then again, she didn't know what she expected. "You want me to... teach Maki how to cook?" It had been kind of funny to tease Maki about her lack of cooking skills back in high school, but she wasn't sure that it mattered anymore. "Why?"

"Because I can barely fit any food in the fridge with all of the takeout boxes she has in there! Some of that stuff is from over a week ago!" Umi seemed way too distraught over this, though Eli couldn't help but think that eating takeout all the time wasn't a very healthy venture. "Yesterday she just heated up a piece of pizza from two weeks ago! And do you know what she said?" Her voice dropped to a whisper, making Eli have to listen more intently. "'Still good'. Still good! That's not good!"

Eli sighed, rubbing her fingers against her temple. Was this really how she was going to spend her weekend? "If it's really that bad, why don't you teach her? You're just as good a cook as me."

"She doesn't listen to me! Come on, Eli, please? You know she'll listen to you. She still has that high school crush on you." It was said so casually, but it still made Eli blush. She was positive that Nico and Nozomi had been teasing her with tales of Maki's 'secret crush' on her, but she hadn't thought someone like Umi would put stock into something like that. Was there some truth in it, then?

Even back in high school, Maki was really pretty. Now that they all were in college, she had blossomed into full-on gorgeous territory. Admittedly, she had caught herself thinking that quite a few times, though she tried her best to dispel those thoughts. Maki was her friend, after all. Wait... Was this just a ploy to get Eli to come over and teach her how to cook so that Umi could have a cleaner fridge?

"Alright, alright, I'll come over and help." If it was, it was a successful ploy. Eh, whatever. Maki was a smart girl: teaching her something would be easy. "Shoot, I just jinxed myself, didn't I?"

* * *

After her class on Friday, Eli packed up some things for the weekend and drove over to Umi and Maki's dorm. Considering how smart and dedicated the two of them were, it made sense that they both ended up at the same prestigious university. While she didn't attend, her own university was close enough that a drive there wouldn't be incredibly exhausting. So off she went.

She wondered what kind of meal Umi expected her to have Maki make. Maybe they were supposed to choose together. Well, she'd definitely suggest something simple. It'd be easier, plus it'd help build up her confidence.

Parking near the dorm, she leaned her seat back a bit and texted Umi. Since she didn't have an official parking pass to be there, she needed one from someone who lived in the dorms. She would just wait there until one was brought down to her.

Though she had expected Umi to be the one to bring her down one of the passes, she was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Maki instead. She shut off her car and climbed out, smiling as Maki handed her the pass, which she affixed to her rearview mirror. "Thanks, Maki."

"No problem." Eli shut her door and locked the car, turning her eyes to Maki. Yup: still as gorgeous as ever. There was just something about her that shined a heavenly light on her as soon as she appeared. Even when she was giving off that aura of 'I couldn't care less about what's going on,' which admittedly was a lot of the time.

"Shall we head in?" Maki nodded, but still stood there with an awkward expression on her face. "Hmm? What is it, Maki?" She glanced up at Maki, a clear dusting of pink on her cheeks, then stepped towards Eli and gave her a quick hug. It was over as quickly as it had begun, though, and just like that Maki was walking back towards the dorm, leaving Eli in a confused, embarrassed state. "A-Ah?"

 _'What the heck was that?!'_ She shook herself out of her stupor and hurried to follow Maki. That hug was completely out of the blue. Maki wasn't exactly a touchy-feely kind of person, so that definitely caught her off guard. She had to keep her brain from bogging itself down in confusion, though. Maybe it was just a friendly, 'it's been awhile since we've last seen each other' hug. Yeah, that was probably it.

When they got into the dorm, there was no sign of Umi. "Uh, Maki? Where is Umi?"

"She's in her room." Maki shrugged and pointed to the couch. "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch. I've got some extra pillows and blankets if you need them."

"That'll be great. Thanks, Maki." Eli went over to the couch and left her stuff there, then went to knock on Umi's door. Music could be heard filtering through the door. She didn't get a response initially, so she knocked harder. Finally, the door opened, with Umi standing there with a book in one hand. The sound of her old solo album drifted into the room. "You listen to your own solo album?"

"I like the sound of my own voice," she quipped back, raising an eyebrow. "Did you need something?"

"Well, yeah. Aren't we going to help Maki with learning how to cook?"

"I've decided to take on more of an advisory role."

"That sounds like you're going to be doing nothing." She knew it had been a ploy all along.

"Not nothing, just not what you may have originally thought." Umi gave Eli a strained smile. "This has been a stressful week for me, and I would like to take this time to relax and prepare myself for the week ahead. I'm sure that you'll do a fine job with taking care of Maki."

"Am I supposed to be her babysitter or something? Come on, Maki's a grown woman-"

"She's eighteen."

"A grown teenager. Why do you make it sound so weird?"

"Well..." Umi picked up a piece of paper from her dresser and handed it to Eli, who looked it over. "I'm hoping that, since you're here, you can also help her with some other chores she's unable to do well on her own."

"Are you serious?" Eli looked up and down the list with disbelieving eyes. "Umi, this is ridiculous! 'Feeding pets?' Neither of you have a pet!" She felt like a headache was imminent. "Look, I'll help, okay? But only with the stuff that's actually necessary! I'm not going to teach her how to... 'stop playing Call of Duty all night.'"

"That sounds reasonable." Umi nodded and stepped back into her room. "Have fun." Then she closed the door, leaving Eli to stare at where Umi had been standing. With a sigh, she decided to go lay down on the couch and look over all of the chores. Some of them were completely unnecessary, while others were clear necessities. She couldn't believe that Maki was incapable of doing any of these things. Surely Umi was being silly.

She had been summoned there to help Maki with cooking first of all. That was what she would tackle first. Hiding the list in her pillowcase, she went over to the fridge and opened it. Just like Umi had said, no less than six different takeout boxes took over the top shelf. On the bottom shelf were two pizza boxes, while in the middle and the sides of the door were where the rest of the food was. Assumedly that was all Umi's. That really wasn't a good look.

There had to be something in there that could become a meal. She didn't really want to buy groceries and try to stack them on top of things. Luckily, there was something that would work: pasta. That sounded simple enough. She closed the fridge and went to fetch Maki. Hopefully she wouldn't be too upset that Eli had only been called there to help her cook.

She knocked on Maki's door, waiting only a couple seconds before it was opened. "Yes Eli?"

"Hey Maki, would you like to have dinner together?"

That brought a smile to Maki's face. "Sure. I'd love to."

"And you know what'd make it even better? If we cooked it ourselves!"

That brought a frown to Maki's face. "Umi put you up to this, didn't she?"

"She... Yeah, she did." Eli shrugged, giving Maki an apologetic smile. "But I can help you with cooking! It won't be too hard, I promise." Maki seemed skeptical, and Eli had a feeling that she would just say 'no' outright and slam the door in her face. To her surprise, Maki just nodded and stepped out of her room. "Umi won't mind if we use some of her food for cooking, right?"

"She owes us for putting you up to this," Maki muttered, following Eli into the kitchen. Grabbing the pasta and some tomato sauce out of the fridge, she set the items down on the counter and told Maki the rest of the things they needed. This wasn't her place, so she didn't know where everything was.

It became very obvious by the way Maki was just opening random cabinets that she didn't know either. "Maki, you don't know where your kitchen supplies are?"

"They aren't mine!" She shot back, opening another cabinet and just happening to find a large pot. "I just know you're not supposed to put any of them in the microwave." Oh Gods, she really did exclusively use the microwave, didn't she? Eli wanted to hold out hope that Maki was smart enough to know not to put any of these things in the microwave, rather than having learned from experience. "Would you just help me?"

Well, might as well. With both of them looking, it didn't take too long to find the rest of their required items, and Eli helped set them up before starting to give Maki instructions.

"Okay Maki, put four quarts of water into the pot. You know how to measure that, right?"

"Of course I do!" Still, Maki had to peer at the numbers listed on the side of the cup, trying not to show her embarrassment as she filled up the pot with water. Then she placed it on the stove, while Eli turned it on and began letting it heat up.

"Alright, now put a tablespoon of salt in the water." She watched as Maki reached into a drawer and grabbed a spoon. "Maki, that's not a tablespoon."

"What are you talking about? It's a spoon we use at our table. A table spoon!" Oh Gods. Eli sighed and grabbed the ring that held the actual tablespoon, offering it to Maki. She looked like she was going to try and argue further, but instead she sheepishly put away the silverware and grabbed the tablespoon, shaking out some salt onto it. There was more than necessary on it - likely due to Maki's embarrassment at being wrong - but it wasn't a big deal. Having more salt was fine. Just ask any Overwatch player.

Maki hesitated after that, seemingly unwilling to put her hand near the pot. She inched closer, then jutted the spoon over the pot and flipped it over before jerking her hand back. "Maki? What was that?"

"Nothing!" It clearly was not 'nothing', but Eli wasn't sure how to bring it up, so she had to let it go for the moment. They needed to add the pasta next, so she told Maki to open up the packaging and put it in. Opening it was simple enough, but once again there was that hesitation. It wasn't as bad as with the salt, though somehow she had an awkward style of putting pasta into a pot. Eli hadn't thought that was possible. At least the pasta was in.

"Alright, now you just have to stir it."

"Why can't you do it?" Was she nervous? Why would she be nervous, though? There was nothing to it.

"Because you're supposed to be the one learning to cook." Eli sighed again and picked up the tongs. She grabbed some of the pasta and began to move it around for about twenty seconds. "See? You can do it, Maki." She handed the tongs over, watching as Maki hesitantly took them and began copying her actions. It really did seem like she didn't want to hover over the pot, but despite the time it took, it was eventually stirred properly. Well, what they would have to call 'properly'.

When Eli tasted it, she determined that it wasn't that bad. It wasn't the worst thing in the world: it would definitely be edible. Now they just had to drain it in the sink, and they could eat. She turned off the stove and handed Maki the colander. "Now just hold this over the sink and I'll pour the pasta in."

"Just put the colander in the sink and pour it in like that."

"Then the water will still be around it. It's easier if you hold it over the sink, Maki." She was beginning to finally understand what was going on. At least, she could hazard a guess. It seemed like Maki was scared of getting burned, in a literal sense. Well, she wouldn't be able to cook much of anything if that kind of fear was holding her back.

"You're not going to get hurt, Maki. I'll keep you safe, okay?" She gave Maki the most reassuring smile she could, which only seemed to make her blush. "Eh? Maki?"

"J-Just give me the colander!" She yanked it out of Eli's hands and held it hesitantly over the sink while Eli kept staring at her in utter confusion. "What are you waiting for? Are you gonna pour it out or not?"

"Uhm, yeah, yeah." Eli grabbed an oven mitt so she could move the pot over and pour it into the colander. She had been a bit startled by Maki's reaction. What had made her blush like that? Maybe it was just one of Maki's quirks that she just wasn't expected to understand. She would've shrugged in resignation, but that might've toppled the pot, so she didn't. Instead, she moved it to the sink and turned it over, letting the pasta and the water dive into the colander.

Warmth sizzled around them, which was clearly freaking Maki out a bit. To her credit, however, she didn't move away, and they were able to complete the separation without any incidents. With the water gone, they were able to just take the pasta and transfer it onto plates. "See Maki? I told you it would be okay."

"Yeah, yeah." Maki grumbled and walked towards the dinner table. "That was hardly cooking, I'd say."

"Then we can try something more difficult tomorrow." All she got was an exaggerated groan in response, which made her laugh. It wasn't going exactly as hoped, but at least Maki was learning something. At least, she hoped Maki was. "Don't worry, Maki. I'll help you become the perfect housewife."

"The perfect wh-what?!" Maki blushed and scowled at Eli. "D-Don't say weird things like that."

"Ahaha, sorry, sorry."

* * *

While she was taking a shower, Eli thought about how things had gone that day. She had hardly seen Umi, so the night had mostly been spent with Maki. That had been nice, of course. She didn't need Umi there to make things fun, though it would've been nice to hang out with her too. At least they had dinner together.

Maki hadn't talked much, but she was more open than back when they first met. It wasn't exactly substantial conversation - mostly just concerning school and music - but it was nice all the same. She had missed getting to see her friends every day, and it really hadn't hit her until she had begun university just how tough it would be. This was her third year, and it still wasn't easy.

Her main line to the rest of the group was with Nozomi, Nico, and Honoka, who were all the most active on social media. She wasn't one to badger others to talk to her on a consistent basis, so she was secretly grateful that those three would make sure some of the others were keeping in contact with everyone. There was still that distance, but it still sometimes felt like they were a group of nine whenever the stars aligned and they were communicating.

She wondered if Maki really cared to learn all of these chores. It wasn't that they weren't important, but it never seemed like Maki would need to learn them, since she was rich and all. Maybe it was just Umi who cared. Then she remembered all those takeout boxes, and thought about how Maki's health was going to fall apart if she only ate that kind of stuff. That gave her a bit of renewed energy towards the tasks at hand.

She finished her shower and dried off, having a sort of revelation as she looked at her clothes: they were her clothes from that day. The clothes she was supposed to change into had been left in her bag. How had she forgotten those? "Shoot..."

Quietly opening the door, she peeked out and looked into the living room: empty. Holding her towel tightly around her body, she raced out into the room as quietly as she could and opened her bag. She rummaged through the clothes she'd brought, grabbing her nightwear to change into. However, no matter how hard she looked, she couldn't find her underwear.

This wasn't possible. She definitely remembered packing it with the rest of her clothes. Where the hell could it have gone? She was going to have to figure out this mystery when she got dressed, however. Rushing back to the bathroom, she got dressed - being forced to wear her already-worn pair of panties - and returned to the couch, where she left her old clothes next to it.

She decided to think more on it tomorrow. Maybe she had just inexplicably forgotten them. For now, she just wanted to get some sleep.

* * *

"Are you seriously not going to help, Umi?"

"I'll give it some thought." Laying down on her bed with her eyes closed, it didn't appear that she was giving it much thought. She cracked open an eye, looking at Eli's disapproving expression. "It's hard to think with you staring at me like that."

"Look, I know you're trying to relax this weekend, but I'd really appreciate it if you could help out a little. Maki needs both of our help."

"... Alright, I'll help. Hold on." Umi rolled over and reached under her bed, pulling out a cheerleader pom-pom, which she placed on her hand. "Eli Eli, she's our girl. If she can't do it, it's the end of the world."

"Umi..."

"Gooo Eli!" Umi tossed the pom-pom onto the floor and laid back down. "Have I inspired you?"

"If anything, you've despired me."

"Is that even a word?"

"You're not even a word!" They both stared at each other. "Yeah, I'm... sorry... That was bad." Eli sighed and gave up, sulking out of the room while Umi watched her with a grin. "Enjoy your break, your highness."

"You're too kind." Well, that was a wash. She would just have to continue helping Maki herself. Who knew that university would make Umi so lazy. She went to Maki's door and knocked.

"It's unlocked!" She opened the door to find Maki still in her pajamas, sitting on her bed with all of her attention focused on the TV. When she checked out what was going on, there was a lot of shooting and death happening. This must've been the Call of Duty thing that Umi had mentioned on the list.

Maki must've started playing as soon as she woke up, considering that she was still in her pajamas and her hair was messy. She didn't seem to care though: not even that Eli was staring at her. "Hey, uh, Maki?"

"Hm?" She didn't even look away from the TV.

"I was thinking..." Wait... She gave another look around Maki's room. It looked... relatively clean. There were a few empty soda cans that she apparently hadn't seen fit to throw out, but besides that, it seemed fine. This was what Umi had meant by unclean? Was she really that fastidious? "Uh..."

"Thinking what?"

"Uh, never mind..." She felt a bit silly for just barging in assuming Maki just left her room a mess. However, there was one thing she wanted to check. She went over to Maki's closet and opened it up, peering inside. A bunch of clutter had been just piled up inside, with no thought about where it should actually go. So this was what Umi meant...

This wasn't a new experience for her. She remembered being younger and seeing Arisa do the exact same thing. Though she imagined kids grew out of it at some point... Maybe this had something to do with Maki never having a normal childhood. "Maki, you can't just pile all of your stuff in the closet..."

"I'm an adult. I can do what I want." Well, she wasn't an adult, but she _could_ do what she wanted. It wasn't really a good look, though. "If you and Umi are so uptight about it, then you two can clean it up for me. I'm busy right now." Between her video gaming and Umi's relaxing, she wondered if either of them actually knew what the word 'busy' meant.

She was tempted to just give up right then and there, but then what was the point of her coming over? Besides seeing her friends, of course. Maybe she needed to be more convincing, like how things used to be. "Maki, it's important to be neat and tidy. Please turn off the game and help me clean your room."

"What are you, my mom?" Maki rolled her eyes and sighed. "... Just let me finish the game, jeez." Wait, did that work? Eli smiled to herself and allowed herself a small fist pump. It seemed like she hadn't lost the touch. Plus, she only had to wait three minutes for Maki to finally finish her game and leave the lobby, putting her controller down and turning to Eli with a somewhat sour look. "It's really not a big deal. Umi's just obsessive."

"Yeah, probably. You want to get her off your back though, right?"

"... I guess." She didn't seem really convinced, but she didn't seem to want to argue with Eli, so she shuffled over to the closet, which Eli had left opened.

"Okay, I'll start handing you stuff, and you just put it where it's supposed to go, okay?" Maki nodded, so Eli began to just hand off stuff, also helping out by putting stuff where she figured it should go. She wasn't an expert on Maki's room or anything, but she gave it her best shot.

There was so much stuff that it took quite a bit of time to go through. It didn't help that Maki would give up multiple times and Eli would have to coax her back into action. She really needed to just tell Umi not to care so much.

Closer to the bottom of the mess, she noticed something curious. Moving an unfolded shirt out of the way, she was surprised - and somewhat embarrassed - to find a plush of... herself. She recognized it as one of the various merchandising products from the beginning of their popularity as an idol group. It really was lucky Maki had hired a lawyer, or else there might still be copyright-infringing merchandise floating around Tokyo. Still... Why would Maki have this?

"Uh, Maki? What's-" Before she could finish her question, she heard Maki let out a groan of pain. She dropped the doll and turned completely towards Maki, who was holding onto her arm and hissing in annoyance. "Maki! What happened?"

"I hit my elbow against my desk. Can you get me an ice pack out of the freezer?"

"Y-Yeah, sure." Eli hurried out of the room and to the freezer, where she grabbed an ice pack and brought it back. "Here you go, Maki."

"Thanks." She placed it on her elbow, and then Eli went back to the closet once it seemed like Maki was okay. However, when she got back there, the plush of herself was gone. "Eh? It was just here..."

"What was just there?"

"There, uh... Well, you had a... a plush of me?" Eli blushed, but surprisingly Maki didn't seem phased. She was sure there would be at least a little blushing.

"What plush?" She leaned over to look behind Eli at the diminished pile. "I don't see anything. Maybe you're working too hard." She smiled and went over to take a couple of shirts to fold them."

"B-But it was there!" First her underwear, now the plush. Was the dorm haunted?!

* * *

Later that night, Eli was laying on the couch and texting Nozomi. She'd mentioned what had been happening that weekend, but the only advice she'd received was to 'give in to fate and become a nudist'. Nozomi had some weird advice sometimes. She heard a door opening and put down her phone to see who it was. It was Maki.

"Hey Maki. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering... if you wanted to sleep somewhere more comfortable." She looked somewhat awkward while suggesting it, rubbing the back of her neck and glancing at the wall.

"Well, yes, but I couldn't possibly impose. If you're going to suggest me sleeping in your bed and you sleeping on the couch, I couldn't possibly accept that."

"Well, not exactly..." She turned around, seemingly refusing to look at Eli. "You can sleep in my bed, yes, but... w-with me."

"Ah... E-Eh?!" Was Maki suggesting what Eli thought she was suggesting? She did not want to think about the implications of such a suggestion, but her mind had already gone right ahead and disobeyed her.

"It's your choice, though. Don't wake me up if you decide too late." Whether or not Maki was just as embarrassed as Eli, she couldn't tell. Her face wasn't visible from their current angle, and she went right back into her room without another word. Eli remained on the couch, speechless. What was that? A sincere suggestion? An intimate invitation? She needed advice, and fast. So she grabbed her phone and texted Nozomi.

_Nozomi!!! What do I do??_  
_Maki asked me to sleep in her bed_  
_With her!!!_  
_What does it mean??_

_It means she wants to do you, you dolt_  
_You'd better not still be on that couch. Get in her room, cowgirl!_

Maybe she would end up being a nudist after all. She took a deep breath and tossed her phone in her bag, gathering up the courage to get up and head into Maki's room. If Nozomi was right, and she was willing to walk into the room with that knowledge, then she needed to dredge up her old sex ed knowledge. So they'd need protection... Wait, no, that wasn't necessary. Stupid Nozomi, putting these crazy thoughts in her head... And stupid herself for thinking about them so vividly.

She opened Maki's door and walked inside, catching a glimpse of her bare back before her pajama top was pulled down. Now would've been a good time to learn telepathic communication. She needed to ask Nozomi for more advice. "Uh, M-Maki?"

"Hm?" Maki turned around, giving Eli a surprisingly easy smile. "I figured you'd just sleep on the couch." She got into bed and moved over to the right side. "Turn off the light, will you?" Eli could only nod and flick the switch, casting them into darkness. Only the pale glow of Maki's laptop brought any modicum of brightness into the room, but it kept her from feeling more on-edge. She still didn't like complete darkness all that much, so she was thankful for any amount of light.

Slowly she moved towards the bed, her nerves on edge. She was not prepared for this, and decided to blame Umi for making her come over that weekend. If her brain hadn't been working without her conscious input, she probably would've been rooted to the spot in front of the door for the rest of time.

She felt very awkward climbing into bed, aware of her proximity to Maki with every movement. Maki didn't respond to her getting into bed, so Eli just assumed she was trying to fall asleep. Maybe it was a request with innocent intentions after all. She was going to have to send Nozomi a strongly-worded text the next day.

Then she felt Maki's body shift against her, and she forgot about the strongly-worded text. Maki moved over until she was halfway on top of Eli. She couldn't tell if Maki was blushing due to the darkness, but she hoped that her own blushing wasn't visible. "I've been thinking about something, Eli."

"O-Oh? What is it?"

"Well, remember earlier, when you told me to help you clean my room, and I asked if you were my mom?" Eli nodded, having a bad feeling that this was going to get real weird. "Well, that was sorta rude, I guess. I don't want you to be my mother." Okay, crisis averted. Thank goodness. Her voice then dropped to a husky whisper. "I'd rather you be my daddy." Never mind, it was weird again.

"Wh-What? M-Maki, that's... O-Oh Gods, how am I supposed to respond to that?"

"Tell me I'm a disappointment and that I'm wasting my potential being in that stupid idol group." Why did this sound like something she'd been thinking of for awhile? "Then maybe you could spank me or something?"

"I, uh... I... I-I don't think you're a disappointment, Maki. I can't say that..." Maki groaned and rolled off of Eli, giving her a look that could be seen even in the dark.

"You're the worst, Eli." She then pushed against Eli, catching her off-guard and leaving her unable to right herself before she was rolled off the bed. Her body hit the ground with a thud, and she groaned against the carpet.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get that feeling too..."

"I hope the floor is comfortable for you."

"It's not really."

"Goodnight Eli."

"... _Ебать меня в попу, а не по-хорошему_..."

* * *

Eli ended up sleeping on the couch after all, sneaking out of Maki's room after she was sure the other girl had fallen asleep. Out of every moment in her life that she could remember, this had to be the most embarrassing. It was worse than when she'd gotten grounded for teaching Nozomi how to swear in Russian, or that Marxist phase many young Russians go through. She wanted to die.

When she heard someone's door open, she pretended to still be asleep, face down against the couch. She couldn't possibly look Maki in the eye after what had happened, and she couldn't interact with Umi either. Her embarrassed, despondent face would give her away. As long as Maki didn't say anything, and she didn't decide to just tell Nozomi everything like usual, no one would have to know that she was the Bill Bergen of sexual prowess.

She wasn't sure how long she laid there pretending to be asleep, because at some point she actually did fall asleep. Eventually though, someone shook her awake. When she looked up, she was relieved to see that it was Umi. "You've slept awfully late, Eli."

"Yeah, I guess so." She tried to laugh it off, but she felt like she sounded super awkward. Umi looked at her curiously.

"So did you go to bed with Maki?" Eli nearly choked, eyes widening in shock. "Looks like that's a yes."

"N-No! I did not! W-Well, I mean... kinda?"

"Kind of? How could you 'kind of' have been in bed with Maki? Did you lean over the side?"

"For a second. I don't really want to talk about it, Umi." Rather than pressing further, Umi just nodded, though from the look on her face it seemed like she realized something - or perhaps everything - hadn't gone well. She went into the kitchen and grabbed an apple, while Eli began to pack up her clothes. It felt like the right moment to leave. She felt cowardly for deciding to leave while Maki was gone, but she just couldn't face her now after what had happened.

"You're leaving?" Umi popped back into the room, shooting Eli a quizzical look. "Don't you want to say goodbye to Maki?"

"Ah, I, uh, said goodbye to her before she left." That wasn't even remotely true, and she didn't even know where Maki was. She didn't really think that Umi bought that either, but she just nodded and came over so the two could exchange a hug. "I hope to see you two again soon."

"Just let me know before you come over." They said their goodbyes and then Eli went to her car, tossing her bag onto the passenger's seat. She sat down in her own seat, laid her head on top of the steering wheel, and cried. Once she had exhausted herself of tears, she turned the car on, only to remember that she hadn't returned the parking pass. With a sigh, she shut the car back off and grabbed the pass.

Not wanting to have to go back in, she tried to slip the pass underneath the door, but that just ended up bending it, which forced her to knock on the door anyway. Umi seemed confused as to why Eli had returned, until she handed over the pass. "Oh, thanks for bringing it back."

"Yeah, no problem." She went right back to her car to cry a bit more, then drove home in silent shame. Not even the radio provided her with distracting comfort.

When she got home, she shuffled into her apartment and dumped out her bag on the bed. As she started to separate her clothes, she noticed something curious. There was stuff in there that she definitely didn't remember packing back up. She held up her missing underwear, found once again, staring at them in utter confusion. There was also the plush of her, the one that she had been so sure she'd found in Maki's closet. Finally, there was a short note.

 _You're a complete idiot, Eli. Lucky for you, you're hot, so I'm willing to give you another chance. Come back over next weekend, and bring the doll. There's still a couple more 'chores' that you could help me learn. Maybe you can make me into your perfect housewife - Maki._ Taped to the back of the note was a photo. When Eli carefully pulled it off, she nearly dropped it when she saw what it was: Maki, wearing an apron, and definitely nothing else. She quickly held it against her chest, as if someone was going to pop in and see it. This was the biggest second chance she'd ever gotten in her life. She could _not_ blow it this time.

" _Хорошо_..."


End file.
